Here goes nothing.

I've been feeling horrible all week long. Major pity with the extraordinary weather recently.

Alone in my misery.

Trapped in my skull.

Without communication.

Effortless.

Nobody and everybody.

Like the streets are empty,

while I struggle getting through the crowd.

Endless.

Depths.

Dead to pay.

Restless fingers.

To quote one of my favourite youtube-artists:

I cleared my life,

I changed my head.

I'm trying to catch my skin again.

I'm finding out what makes me wanna' live again.

I wish I could say this.

Project one-o-one.

'Livin' it up again'.

*sigh.

Punt.

Onder zes lagen huid,

schreeuwt mijn vlees het uit.

Tranen, door ogen opgeblonken,

worden door mijn mondhoeken opgedronken.

Onder het donkerblauwe deken,

ligt mijn lot mijn leven te wreken.

Iets drijft me verder van het spoor,

waardoor ik plots mijn kracht verloor.

Mijn hoofd gonst van de gedachten

en ik zoek een oor om de gons te verzachten.

En ik weet dat er zo geen oren bestaan,

die heel mijn ziel en leven kunnen verstaan.

Daarom roep ik rustloos voort,

want ik weet dat het niemand stoort.

Vanachter de muur van mijn vergaan,

zal mijn leven nooit blijven stilstaan.

M-m-m-Monday.

I didn't have to go to work today. It was the fourth day off in a row. Last week, I only worked 16 hours. (while my contract is set on 24 hours a week.) H&M Head Office Belgium says how many people can work in a shop at the same time. This number depends on the sales figures of that shop. To put an end to a long story: Our shop doesn't sell enough to keep all the employees working 24 or 35 hours. (According to their contract)

One solution to this problem is to minor the number of employees. So, my shop-manager came to me and asked if we could talk in private for a moment. First she complimented me on the good work I was doing and said that I had some serious growing-capacities. She mentioned that this growing-progress is only possible in big stores. I immediately knew where she was aiming at. She asked if I would agree on going to a different store, being the largest H&M on the Meir-street.

I really didn't know what to answer. Okay, it's fun to work in a large store, right in the center of Antwerp which has every collection. But I know the work there is way more tedious. And I've heard that the collegiality is not always that great. But maybe that's just a rumour. After having slept over it, I gave my agreement. So my new adventure starts March, 28th. Exactly two weeks from now.

I am seriously gonna' miss all my present colleagues. I really got along with every single one of them. Now, I'm very excited about it all. If you ever visit Antwerp (which is a must in life, it's like visiting Mekka for Muslims.) be sure to visit me in shop 250, middle H&M, on the men's department.

To end this long post, I wanted to mention the fact that I am still in love with Antwerp. Right now, on my day off, I'm sitting at Starbucks Antwerp, drinking a Grande Vanilla Latte. (Yes, I said that for you, my dear.) I've been wandering through Antwerp since 2pm, and I still love it like I did 12 months ago.

Love,

Jeroen.

100.

I could easily talk and whine about how the public transport-companies annoy me. I could also talk about the lovely weather, but those are the everyday topics of my blog. Because this is the one-hundredth post of my blog, I'm going to share my view of the future.

On Thursday, I really had the feeling that I was on the verge of a turning point in my life. Everything was really working out. It was probably due to the first run the night before, and the really progressive day afterwards. I don't know much about the future, but I know that I am really looking forward to it.

I am improving myself in many different ways: my job, my friends, my family, my personal life, the spiritual me and my inner person as well. I find delight in almost everything I do, and this is really good for my self-confidence. I have never been closer to my friends, and I am always excited to see and talk to them.

Of course, there are still some aspects that can use improvement. But I guess it's just normal. When you don't feel like you have room for improvement, you are only going to deteriorate.

So to summarize this post: I am happy with how I am living, and am planning to continue doing so.

Love,

Jeroen.

First Run.

I am truly delighted by the weather. When I was awaiting one of my nieces to come home from school, I sat against the brick wall of our home with the sun shining on me. It got really hot underneath my jeans, a feeling you get on a hot summer-day. It was really awesome.

It was only natural that the beautiful sunny day resulted in an eye-stunning sunset. It was the first sunset I saw this year. It started of yellow-orangish and turned deep orange after a while. Only minutes before the sun hit the horizon, the sun was big and red, like blood-oranges. And at least a corner of 90 degrees was covered in a red lucidity. - Yes, I have a fetish for sunsets.

Okay, so I saw this sunset because I was running with my sister. (Okay, that was the last time I said 'sunset', okay that was!) She asked if I'd join her. At first I really wasn't in the mood. But I realized that I should get into some work-out. I ran for 1 hour and 10 minutes. I mean, it was my first time in months. And I am damn proud of it!

I'm going to have so much pain tomorrow.