I Quit.

http://samanvers.blogspot.com

there you go.

I'm like a machine.

I destruct my inner being to fake an unnatural death.

Below.

Within my conscious,
There is a quest.
It contains no words.
But the seek for inner rest.

There's chains around my wrists,
Been pulled to opposite sides.
My heart is the first to tear apart,
Afraid it will reveal what it wisely hides.

The colour of my skin is dark by dirt.
My face is tired and wet by tear.
Alone I hang in this empty lot.
Knowing that the end of me is near.

Location : Pelikaanstraat 15-23, 2018 Antwerpen,

Flee.

Like a bird, flying from tree to tree.

I want to abduct the air and hide it onder my wings.

And the ignorant me chooses the horizon as my final destination.

And when I drop myself into the empty air,

I feel this tingling on top of my lungs.

It feels like the way it felt when I used to be deeply in love.

The drops make their way down on this glass surface.

I watch the birds, who set off for happier adventures.

I spread my arms and drops come racing down my face.

I'm stuck in my utopian fantasy, within the shredding society that is our mutual soul.

Location : Sterrebos 39, 2200 Herentals.

Stilte.

Het glijdende landschap glijdt niet meer.
En de tijd lijkt stil te staan.
De wereld is dood.
De mensen erop ook.

Er wordt een signaal de atmosfeer ingestuurd.
We bekijken alles plots van de andere kant.
Een afrikaans kind leeft zich uit op een djembé.
En mijn hart raakt verknocht aan het ritme

Mijn pupillen verkleinen,
Mijn poriën verwijden.
Mijn longen slaan aan het hamsteren.
En ik proef plots een zoete smaak in mijn mond.

Ik leef.

Location : Romeroplein, 2200 Herentals,

So

I thought it was time for a fresh start. After having bailed on you guys for over 2 months. But a fresh start is a different start. Less gibberish, more meaningful content.

If you don't fancy poetry or even the simplest form of expressing emotions, please leave.

Yours truly,

Jeroen.

What?

En dan stap je buiten,

je weet niet wat er gebeurt.

Je leven is een hooiberg

en je ziel is een speld.

Het grind tussen de straatstenen

bezwijkt onder je gewicht.

Het knarst hevig,

omdat het geen uitweg vindt.

Je stapt op de tram.

De deuren slaan toe.

Je voelt je alleen,

bekrompen tussen de menigte.

Want dat ene,

dat enkele,

daar waar je controle over had.
Dat verdwijnt zomaar.

Je verliest de grip,

Je laat los,

Je valt in het diepe,

Je sterft.

Ik ben het grind onder je voeten.
Ik weet geen uitweg.

Here goes nothing.

I've been feeling horrible all week long. Major pity with the extraordinary weather recently.

Alone in my misery.

Trapped in my skull.

Without communication.

Effortless.

Nobody and everybody.

Like the streets are empty,

while I struggle getting through the crowd.

Endless.

Depths.

Dead to pay.

Restless fingers.

To quote one of my favourite youtube-artists:

I cleared my life,

I changed my head.

I'm trying to catch my skin again.

I'm finding out what makes me wanna' live again.

I wish I could say this.

Project one-o-one.

'Livin' it up again'.

*sigh.

Punt.

Onder zes lagen huid,

schreeuwt mijn vlees het uit.

Tranen, door ogen opgeblonken,

worden door mijn mondhoeken opgedronken.

Onder het donkerblauwe deken,

ligt mijn lot mijn leven te wreken.

Iets drijft me verder van het spoor,

waardoor ik plots mijn kracht verloor.

Mijn hoofd gonst van de gedachten

en ik zoek een oor om de gons te verzachten.

En ik weet dat er zo geen oren bestaan,

die heel mijn ziel en leven kunnen verstaan.

Daarom roep ik rustloos voort,

want ik weet dat het niemand stoort.

Vanachter de muur van mijn vergaan,

zal mijn leven nooit blijven stilstaan.

M-m-m-Monday.

I didn't have to go to work today. It was the fourth day off in a row. Last week, I only worked 16 hours. (while my contract is set on 24 hours a week.) H&M Head Office Belgium says how many people can work in a shop at the same time. This number depends on the sales figures of that shop. To put an end to a long story: Our shop doesn't sell enough to keep all the employees working 24 or 35 hours. (According to their contract)

One solution to this problem is to minor the number of employees. So, my shop-manager came to me and asked if we could talk in private for a moment. First she complimented me on the good work I was doing and said that I had some serious growing-capacities. She mentioned that this growing-progress is only possible in big stores. I immediately knew where she was aiming at. She asked if I would agree on going to a different store, being the largest H&M on the Meir-street.

I really didn't know what to answer. Okay, it's fun to work in a large store, right in the center of Antwerp which has every collection. But I know the work there is way more tedious. And I've heard that the collegiality is not always that great. But maybe that's just a rumour. After having slept over it, I gave my agreement. So my new adventure starts March, 28th. Exactly two weeks from now.

I am seriously gonna' miss all my present colleagues. I really got along with every single one of them. Now, I'm very excited about it all. If you ever visit Antwerp (which is a must in life, it's like visiting Mekka for Muslims.) be sure to visit me in shop 250, middle H&M, on the men's department.

To end this long post, I wanted to mention the fact that I am still in love with Antwerp. Right now, on my day off, I'm sitting at Starbucks Antwerp, drinking a Grande Vanilla Latte. (Yes, I said that for you, my dear.) I've been wandering through Antwerp since 2pm, and I still love it like I did 12 months ago.

Love,

Jeroen.

100.

I could easily talk and whine about how the public transport-companies annoy me. I could also talk about the lovely weather, but those are the everyday topics of my blog. Because this is the one-hundredth post of my blog, I'm going to share my view of the future.

On Thursday, I really had the feeling that I was on the verge of a turning point in my life. Everything was really working out. It was probably due to the first run the night before, and the really progressive day afterwards. I don't know much about the future, but I know that I am really looking forward to it.

I am improving myself in many different ways: my job, my friends, my family, my personal life, the spiritual me and my inner person as well. I find delight in almost everything I do, and this is really good for my self-confidence. I have never been closer to my friends, and I am always excited to see and talk to them.

Of course, there are still some aspects that can use improvement. But I guess it's just normal. When you don't feel like you have room for improvement, you are only going to deteriorate.

So to summarize this post: I am happy with how I am living, and am planning to continue doing so.

Love,

Jeroen.

First Run.

I am truly delighted by the weather. When I was awaiting one of my nieces to come home from school, I sat against the brick wall of our home with the sun shining on me. It got really hot underneath my jeans, a feeling you get on a hot summer-day. It was really awesome.

It was only natural that the beautiful sunny day resulted in an eye-stunning sunset. It was the first sunset I saw this year. It started of yellow-orangish and turned deep orange after a while. Only minutes before the sun hit the horizon, the sun was big and red, like blood-oranges. And at least a corner of 90 degrees was covered in a red lucidity. - Yes, I have a fetish for sunsets.

Okay, so I saw this sunset because I was running with my sister. (Okay, that was the last time I said 'sunset', okay that was!) She asked if I'd join her. At first I really wasn't in the mood. But I realized that I should get into some work-out. I ran for 1 hour and 10 minutes. I mean, it was my first time in months. And I am damn proud of it!

I'm going to have so much pain tomorrow.

I hate lazy Saturdays.

You know those days when you wake up late and you don't feel like doing something? Occasionally, I like days like these. Especially on Sunday. But it's no fun on a Saturday. I'm still in my trainers and I haven't left my couch.

Tuesday is the 1st of March already. My head-goal for this month is to manage my time and finances better. February was a progressive month, but I can always do better. Actually it's kind of sick how I manage my time. Here's an overview of how I do this:

- On a monthly base: I have a pocket diary where I write down all major events + my work-schedule.

- On a weekly base: Every Monday-morning (or Sunday-evening) when I'm on the bus/train, I make my weekly planning. It's a resume about the main events per day and the division of tasks over the week.

- On a daily base: (only on week-days) I have this pocket-notebook where I write down to-do-lists for that day. These contain small tasks, routines, etc.

February, 23th.

So, I promised earlier that I would explain to you guys what my issues were/are at work.

So in a H&M-store you have a shop-manager, some floor-managers and below them the Sales Advisors. We used to have 2 Floor-managers, Christel and Vanessa. It was a very pleasant time, until Vanessa had to go to the store at Wijnegem Shopping Center. Head Office Belgium directed another Floor to our shop, also a Vanessa. That's where it all went wrong.

The new Vanessa was really really annoying. She was always commanding people what to do, but she never did shit. Christel and the old Vanessa were always helping us with the everyday-tasks. But the new Vanessa never did something. This resulted in unfinished work, stress, hostility,... She's always unkind and selfish.

After one week, I was already fed up with her. So I went to Nadia, our shop-manager, to tell her about what was going on. I don't want to be a toddler or something, but this was really effecting my mood and work. So I thought it was for the better.

Someone else is going to replace her Monday, I am curious about her.

We'll see, I guess. And for now, I'm enjoying my work again.

Usuwa.

Wauw, I really should get into posting again. It's been 12 days already since my last.

A lot has changed recently. (this has become a very common line in my posts) Saturday, I turned 19. That's the same age Adele was, when her first studio album was released. (Can you tell that I am slightly obsessed with her? - ) Last week, on Wednesday, I met up with Alina again. I hadn't seen her since November or something. I really started to miss her since she was my best friend in high school (one of the very few). I arranged reservations for breakfast at a small coffee-shop in Antwerp. It was all about Fair-trade products and materials. I really liked it all. The lady was very friendly and a bit alternative in a way as well. If you are interested, you can find the address down below.

I will tell you about my issues at work in a next post which will be here soon (I hope)

Address Usuwa Coffee-place:

Kasteelpleinstraat 53

2000 Antwerp(en)

Belgium.

I'm sitting here.

Listening to Adele's 'Turning Tables'.

A bit emotional, but happy in a way.

I'm alone and I'm drinking red wine.

- Wine is never good for me.

Yesterday, in the bus, I wrote the following:

(it's in Dutch, je m'excuse)

Wie je tegenkomt op de trein.

Ik hoorde dat je me vergeven hebt.

Nooit gedacht dat dat zou gebeuren.

De jongen die altijd maar struikelde,

en zich maar met moeite kon rechtkrabbelen.

Toch sta ik nu oog in oog met je.

Het doet geen pijn,

en er verschijnt een glimlach op mijn gezicht.

Jij glimlacht nu ook.

Door de tranen in mijn ogen zie ik je niet scherp.

Maar ik weet dat je er bent.

De wereld raast aan een snel tempo door je heen.

Maar het kan jou niet deren.

Je hebt dezelfde kleren aan als mij.

En dezelfde bril.

En vreemd genoeg zit er ook zo'n onnatuurlijke krul in je haren.

De glimlach verdwijnt. Ik ijl.

Dag vriend.

Dag zielsverwant.

Het ga je goed.

Finally, a normal and boring post!

It's the second of February already! It's hard to get how quick time is passing by. I haven't been able to post something about my every-day life in January because of the Stockholm-series and the general business. January was a very busy month. Despite the fact that most people have spend tons of money on holidays it was extremely busy during the sales-period.

So today was 'season start'. It's a intern term used at H&M to mark the beginning of the spring-season. I had to start working at 8.30, but I didn't really work. In the kitchen we got breakfast from the management. And then, they explained what this season is going to be all about, what our focuses are, which campaigns will run during the next six months, etc. It was quite interesting.

But enough about work. I ran into a guy I've known for a while today. I didn't really know him very well, but he invited me for a drink in a local bar. I agreed on it, and even though people have a lot of prejudgments about him, he's actually quite cool. We had a lot of technical conversations (which were quite hard for me, since I woke up at 5.40am this morning and I have been running around ever since). We talked about different ways to relax: Playing the guitar, writing, ... This made me realize it was quite some time ago that I made a new poem. So, to end this post with: here's a short collection of words I wrote.

He talked with ignorance on his tongue.

Pride was never far away.

Words to provoke fear.

Words to dominate.

Eyes of joy.

Cheeks of happiness.

Teeth of wisdom.

Face of arrogance.

I sit here with a yellow halo around me.

Listening to the words.

Labeled as afraid.

Looked upon as minor.

Yet.

My head hits the clouds.

A smile of disbelieve.

Steady as a rock.

STOCKHOLM FINAL PART.

FINALLY, here's the final part of the Stockholm-series.

_________________________

Friday, 31st of December 2010.

Around 3pm

I am already on the plane back home. I got a seat next to the window which gives me a tremendous view. The sun is shining for the first time in 5 days. Yesterday was a very nice day. We went to Skansen. For the people who live in Belgium: Skansen is like the Swedish variant of Bokrijk. It's a museum/amusement-park/zoo/everything built around the theme of Ancient Sweden. The houses are ancient (and original!) Swedish buildings. Some of them are open for visits and a couple of them have traditionally clothed actors in them telling about the life in ancient Sweden.

I also went for shopping in the afternoon. I hadn't bought anything yet and I still had somewhat 2000 SEK left. (about 200 euros) I spent it on a shirt and a scarf (both at H&M's of course). But when I walked back into the street, I accidentally put one foot in a huge pile of snow. 'No problem', I thought. But wrong I was. I hadn't noticed that there was something sharp in the pile of snow that put a whole in my shoe. My feet of course got all wet and ice-cold. I decided to buy some shoes as well. I first considered buying a new pair of All Stars. But I thought the ones I found there were kind of weird.

In one shop I saw a pair of really cool grey VANS. Unfortunately, they were on sale and they weren't available in my size anymore. (Yes! Sales (or 'rea') start mid-December in Sweden!) From that moment on I just kept on looking for VANS. I ran all the way through Stockholm and back. ( I literally ran because I had agreed on meeting the guys in front of the hotel at 7.30pm). And after a decent half hour of running and stumbling trough shopping streets, malls, weird alleys, etc, I found what I was looking for. Old-Fashioned Red-Awesome VANS!

At 7.30pm we had cheap but delicious dinner in a steak-house. We made a last late-night walk along the isle-shores of Stockholm before we said Goodbye.

Although I haven't got a lot of experience when it comes to visiting cities, I know that Stockholm is one of the nicest cities I know. I am DEFINITELY going back. I don't know when because I have trips planned in July and August. What's left for now is a beautiful memory of a mind-blowing city.

Goodbye Stockholm,

Yours truly.

PS: See you soon!

________

PICTURE OF THE DAY.

This is 'Skansen'. Notice the coldness that really jumps off the buildings. :D

STOCKHOLM PART III

Damn, I should really get into posting again. It's just that I have been terribly busy! Here is the third part of my Stockholm-series!

_________________

Wednesday, 29th of December 2010.

around 11pm.

After having enjoyed the delicious breakfast at the hotel. (Including scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, grilled tomatoes and even a Japanese buffé) we took off for Östermalm. This is the northern island. Technically speaking, our hotel was on Östermalm. But the inner parts of Östermalm are quite different from the part along the shores of Lake Mälaren. It's more about urban functions. The social importance of this part of Stockholm is very high! We walked along a park, visited the city library and eventually settled in an old café. It was completely decorated in 50's style. The amazing part about this was knowing that the café was built and decorated in the 1950's by a man and his wife. Unfortunately the man died at an early age. His wife decided to keep her café just as it was and didn't change anything about it in some sort of remembrance to him. We had a drink and a snack there.

After our rather short visit to Östermalm we took the subway to Södermalm, the southern island. I can't really describe the city-function of Södermalm. I guess it is supposed to give residence to the lower classes. After walking through it,we continued our 50's way of thinking by going to the cinemas at Rio's. This is a little theater completely in 50's style. The film we saw was rather weird. Yet again I didn't really expect anything different since it was a German movie.

We had dinner and finished another great day. I was kinda' tired because I had been awake for some time. When Levi & Bert went for a morning-swim in the hotel's pool this morning, I saw my chance clear to go on my ritual solo-morning walk. It's some kind of a holiday-tradition for me. (Especially when staying in a city!) I get dressed, take my iPod, and just wander through town. I love the fact that all the inhabitants are having their morning routine. Catching buses, walking to the office and running to make it in time for the train. And between them, is me. Listening to music, taking pictures, ... I love it! It's my time alone with the city I temporary reside in but don't know.

__________________

PICTURE OF THE DAY.

This is 'Sergels Torg' a modernistic tower, right in the city-center of Stockholm.

Edit: Picture taken during morning walk!

STOCKHOLM PART II

I finally found the time to post the sequel of the Stockholm-series. I hope you'll enjoy it. :D

____________________________

Tuesday, 28th of December 2010.

Around 11pm.

Okay, so today was our first real day in the city. And I must say it looks totally different in daylight. And I mean that in a good way! Today was kind of museum-day.

We visited:

• Nordiska Museet (www.nordiskamuseet.se)
  A museum about almost anything. A lot of temporary exhibitions. Slightly modernistic.
• Vasamuseet. (www.vasamuseet.se)
  Built around the discovery of an ancient viking-ship called 'Vasa'.
  
• Moderna Museet (www.modernamuseet.se)
  Mostly a gathering of temporary modern-art exhibitions. It contains works of Andy Warhol, Picasso, etc.
• Arkitekturmuseet. (www.arkitekturmuseet.se)
  Small museum about the national and international accomplishments within architecture throughout the history of mankind.
• Nationalmuseet. (www.nationalmuseum.se)
  Probably the most old-fashion museum. An impressive collection of ancient art (mostly paintings) by artists such as Rubens, Rembrandt, Manet, and many more. (I must say that it was a really pleasant experience.)

For me the most impressive one was the Nordiskamuseet. There was an incredible variety there. From modernistic exhibitions about the history and importance of plastic to the evolution and revolution of fashion. All this settled in an eye-capturing setting. The Nordiska museum, the largest in Scandinavia, is a beautiful building that really makes you hold your breath. (At least, that was what I experienced)

It was already dark outside at 3.15pm, which my body found hard to accept. At 4pm, I really had the feeling like it was already 8pm! After the numerous museums we visited we went to 'Gamla Stan' the oldest part of Stockholm. Here, the spirit of old-Stockholm is clearly to be seen. Tiny old buildings in dark but cosy alley-like streets. (all of them beautifully lit of course!)

We had dinner there and had a beautiful ending of a busy yet amazing day.

_________________

PICTURE OF THE DAY.

This is one part of Stockholm's skyline. It was hard to take pictures with the early darkness, yet I succeeded in taking this one, which I am quite proud about.

STOCKHOLM PART I

So I promised you guys to publish my vacation-writings. I have to warn you though, The first part is not quite as positive as you might expect. But no worries, It's all coming together!

*- Ps, I hope I will find the time to publish the other 4 writings as well this week! If not, I'm sorry.

_______________________

Monday 27th of December 2010.

7pm

I hope I'll be able to say that Monday was: 'just a bad day' on Friday. Everything went well until we were ready to depart at Eindhoven Airport [Netherlands] . Our flight got one hour delayed. So we arrived at Skavsta Airport at about 6pm. Because This airport was some 80 kilometer remote from Stockholm city, there were coaches that took us from the airport to the city-center. But, because our flight was late, most buses had already left. The four of us were the last to step aboard of the 6.45 bus. But there were only 2 empty seats left. We first agreed on taking the next bus, but when the bus-driver said that the next one would not be here until 8.15pm we changed our minds. We had to check-in at the hotel at 8pm [The trip took about 80 minutes]. So Levi and I took the last seats on the bus and Alvin and Bert stayed at the airport waiting for the next bus. Ten minutes after we took off, Levi sent me a text (he was sitting in the back of the bus while I was in the front). He said that we needed Bert's credit-card to check in at the hotel.

I hope things will work out. Currently I'm sitting on the bus. It's 7.15pm. Another 40 minutes. I'm a bit worried about Bert & Alvin. I hope they are doing alright and they found a warm place to sit!

To close off this writing on a positive note: I really really enjoyed my first flying experience. Even despite all the delays. I am currently listening to Team William's 'First Snow'. The guy next to me has fallen asleep and I can't really enjoy the landscapes and surroundings because it's remarkably dark outside. I can tell though, that there's quite a lot of snow here. Oh, and minus 11 degrees Celsius isn't really a big thing here.

It feels weird to be some 1200 kilometers from home. But it really doesn't feel like that. I still think that if I would get stuck in traffic, my dad will be here in less than an hour to pick me up.

(:

________

12pm (probably later)

Okay, I just scrapped some lines in the thing I wrote earlier. Levi and I arrived in an eye-capturing city that really blew me off my feet. It was hard to decide where to look first!

The lady at the lobby was extremely kind and she completely understood our situation. She gave us our room-keys (actually more like room-credit-cards, but who cares). We are staying at the prestigious Radisson-Blu hotel. It's an amazing hotel right in the center of the city.

While we had to wait for Bert & Alvin to arrive, we figured we could better do something useful, so we went for a first late-night walk through town.

PICTURE OF THE DAY.

(This picture was taken in the hotel's skybar. It's a bar at the top floor of the hotel that gives you an amazing view.)

2010, The day after.

I know it's kind of late to start thinking about 2010, but I wasn't able to do anything of this earlier. So I wanted to give you guys a summary of what has been going on in my life the past 365 days.

(and all this while I am listening to Christina Grimme's version of 'Little more us', check her out here.)

Best New Artist International 2010.

This was a hard one. There were a lot of new artists who were making their way to my ears this year*. Swedish house mafia, Bruno Mars, Rascal Flatts, Vampire Weekend, 30 seconds to mars, Owl City, Gregory & The Hawk and local natives did not make it. The winner is undoubtedly Mumford & Sons. With the number one single: 'Little Lion Man' they conquered pretty much the entire world, but most important they conquered my heart.

(* Please note that these artist might have been active for longer than one year.

The nominated ones are artists I discovered this year.)

Artist: Mumford & Sons

Album: Sigh no More

Discovered: January, 2010.

Favorite song: Gave you all

Artist of the year 2010:

This was a hard one as well. I could have easily picked Adele for her beautiful voice and her general awesomeness. But Paramore, Editors, The Script, Digitalism, Rihanna and many others deserve a mentioning as well. The absolute winner of this year is most definitely: The Fray. I bought their self-titled album somewhere mid-October, and I haven't stopped listening to it ever since.

Artist: The Fray

Album: The Fray (2)

Discovered: October, 2010

Favorite song: 'Say When'

Best Artist National 2010.

Belgium is more or less paradise for addicts of good music. This year I really loved the rise of: Absynthe Minded, Balthazar, Black Box Revelation, The Van Jets, Team William and Stromae. But the one who beat every single one of them is definitely Das Pop. It was the first of these I saw live and they have really blown me off my feet.

Artist: Das Pop

Album: Das Pop (Previously: 'Postcards from Fuckland)

Discovery: March, 2010?

Favorite song: 'Wings'

Miscellany:

Song of the year: 'Hometown Glory' - Adele

Movie of the year: 'Into the wild'

Moment of the year: This is quite a difficult one. I've experienced a lot of remarkable moments this year - good and bad. Like when we were dancing to 'In zaïre' on our school prom, realising that all the shitty things about school were over, but all the fun things about it as well. Or when Sacha and me biked across the school square reminiscing about the past with the sun setting behind us. Or The moment when I saw Alina walk down the aisle in June like it was the last time I was going to see her and I almost started to cry because of the insecurity of the future.

Picture of the year: Most definitely this one. It was taken in July when we came

back from our trip to Rotterdam, Netherlands. And we decided to have a small pic-nic in the backyard of Michelle. We were acting a bit foolish and started taking weird picture.

Don't mind the yellowness of my arm. It's just a weird effect of my camera.

Okay, this has to be the longest post I ever made.

I hope I didn't bore you guys to death. =D

Keep enjoying everything that happened in 2010!

Bring it on, 2011.